Anytime we are dealing with trauma, the question is always, “What happened to them?” This is because trauma rewires our brain which in turn alters our behavior. Asking also helps to disarm any blame and neutralize shame that you may be feeling. With that said, it’s safe to state that trauma causes disconnection. This disconnection is not only from self but also the world around us.
When someone is raised by parents who used to ignore their emotional needs, they do not notice emotions. That is until they start experiencing their emotions in their bodies. For instance, through struggling with anger, digestion, memory issues etc.
“Trauma is the Great Disconnector. It causes us to separate from ourselves, others, and the world. It is a RELATIONAL injury. And for this reason, it must be, at least partially, healed interpersonally.”
The brain is wired to protect us from trauma. So, it automatically creates distance between us and our emotions. The only problem is that when it becomes routine, we start losing the capacity to feel emotions. This is the reason why people are said to be emotionally numb.
On the flip side of our emotions, we could be taking in too many feelings at once. When we become overwhelmed with emotional issues, causing stressful situations, we may start to check out.
While others are vying for your constant attention and needs, you go to a place far away from yourself to avoid the destruction your stress could potentially cause.
This definitely affects the quality of relationships. It is very strenuous for someone who is able to process emotions in a healthy manner to be able to have deep meaningful relationships with those who are numb.
Everyone wants to connect even when they do not know how to. As adults we work with professionals to heal our childhood wounds. That way we can finally start healing this disconnection and build our social systems.