7 spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

Remember our last post Dreams of a Better Future was about Trauma Bonds? Imagine this is a continuation of that post!

I was having this brilliant conversation with a friend about romantic entanglements. You are suddenly a part of a triangle and you don’t know which corner of the triangle you are. Not even sure if you are the corner that hits the floor every time the triangle falls. Once you recognize the messy entanglement you’re in, you are suddenly certain that you’re getting out of it.

Aware it will take time and energy, you brace yourself for the months ahead.

Take a minute to imagine you have an ex who won’t let go? You have been on and off for ages and you know it isn’t going anywhere. Have you ever thought that you can just relax into it, and let nature take its cause? Communicate clearly what you want – of course – and then allow time to help you get out of unhealthy entanglements?

Well, here goes the 7 spiritual Laws of Success
  1. The Law of Pure Potentiality
  2. The Law of Giving
  3. The Law of Karma
  4. The Law of Least Effort
  5. The Law of Intention and Desire
  6. The Law of Detachment
  7. The Law of Dharma
1. The Law of Pure Potentiality is pure consciousness

Mindfulness. Being in the now. Seeking expression from the un-manifest to the manifest. In our true Self, we align with the power that manifests everything in nature.

2. The Law of Giving

Give first before you receive & whatever energy you give will come back to you. Even a genuine smile is a gift. Keep wealth circulating by giving and receiving care, affection, appreciation and love. Learn to gratefully receive the same.

3. The Law of Karma

Karma simply means “action”. Karma is equivalent to Newton’s law of ‘every action must have a reaction’. In essence, everything we do creates a corresponding energy that comes back to us in some form or another.

4. The Law of Least Effort

Learn to harness the natural forces of harmony, joy, & love. Accept people, situations, and events as they occur. Take responsibility for your situation and for all events seen as problems. Relinquish the need to defend your point of view.

5. The Law of Intention and Desire

Every intention & desire has the mechanics for its own fulfillment. Refer to the law of attraction. Make a list of intentions & desires & let nature & time fulfill them. Trust that when things don’t seem to go your way, there is a reason.

6. The Law of Detachment

The Law of Attachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn’t mean you give up the intention to create your desire, you give up your attachment to the result. Allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they are. Do not force solutions. Allow solutions to spontaneously emerge. Uncertainty is essential, & uncertainty is your path to freedom.

The Law of Detachment has its opposite in Attachment. Apparently, attachment comes from a poverty consciousness, because we always attach to symbols. It’s based on fear and insecurity. The need for security is based on not knowing the true Self.

7. The Law of Dharma or Purpose in Life

Everyone has a purpose in life. A unique gift or special talent to give to others. When we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal.

In conclusion, relinquish your attachment to the known. Step into the unknown and you will step into the field of all possibilities. By stepping into the unknown, you unleash the wisdom of uncertainty that lies dormant within you. This means that in every moment of yr life, you’ll have excitement, adventure, mystery etc


Recommended reading: Read about the Law of Conscious Detachment at on Finding Source

6 Types Of Boundaries You Deserve To Have and How To Maintain Them

This is copied from MBG relationships authored by By Elizabeth Earnshaw.

Many people have the wrong idea about boundaries. They believe that they already have good boundaries when in reality they have brick walls, or they believe that boundaries are “unkind.”

Healthy boundaries are the ultimate guide to successful relationships. Without healthy boundaries, relationships do not thrive—they result in feelings of resentment, disappointment, or violation. These feelings, unchecked, can lead to being cut off from others or enmeshment, where there’s no clear division between you and others’ needs and feelings. Neither of these situations is ideal.

Because so few of us understand what boundaries actually are, we rarely see evidence of them working. But when they do, you feel it—it does wonders for your mental and relational health.

What healthy boundaries look like

Boundaries are what happen when you can sense yourself and what you need and want and access your voice to speak to those things. We all have “limits,” and we all experience violations of our limits.

Most of the time, people are not trying to violate your limits—they just aren’t aware of what they are. Sometimes, this is because we are not clear with ourselves or other people about what we want or need.

Here are six boundaries you deserve to have and what they might look like in practice:

1. Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include your needs for personal space, your comfort with touch, and your physical needs like needing to rest, eat food, and drink water.

It is OK to let people know that you don’t want to be touched or that you need more space. It is also OK to say that you are hungry or that you need to rest.

Healthy physical boundaries might sound like:

  • “I am really tired. I need to sit down now.”
  • “I am not a big hugger. I am a handshake person.”
  • “I need to eat. I am going to go grab something.”
  • “I am allergic to [insert here], so we can’t have that in our home.”
  • “No. I don’t want you to touch me like that.”
  • “Don’t go into my room without asking first.”

Physical boundary violations feel like receiving inappropriate or unwanted touch, being denied your physical needs (told to keep walking when you are tired or that you need to wait to eat or drink), or having someone come into your personal space in a way that is uncomfortable (entering your room without permission, for example). This can vary on a spectrum from mild to severe. The most severe violations result in serious physical abuse or neglect.

2. Emotional boundaries

Emotional boundaries are all about respecting and honoring feelings and energy. Setting emotional boundaries means recognizing how much emotional energy you are capable of taking in, knowing when to share and when not to share, and limiting emotional sharing with people who respond poorly. Respecting emotional boundaries means validating the feelings of others and making sure you respect their ability to take in emotional information.

It might sound like:

  • “When I share my feelings with you and get criticized, it makes me totally shut down. I can only share with you if you are able to respond respectfully to me.”
  • “I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Right now, I am not in a place to take in all of this information. Do you think we can come back to this conversation later?”
  • “I am having a hard time and really need to talk. Are you in a place to listen right now?”
  • “I really can’t talk about that right now. It isn’t the right time.”

Emotional boundary violations include:

  • Dismissing and criticizing feelings
  • Asking questions that are not appropriate for the relationship
  • Reading or going through personal and emotional information
  • Asking people to justify their feelings
  • Assuming we know how other people feel
  • Telling other people how they feel
  • “Emotionally dumping” on people without their permission
  • Sharing inappropriate emotional information with your children

3. Time boundaries

Your time is valuable, and it is important to protect how it is utilized. Setting time boundaries is incredibly important at work, home, and socially. Setting time boundaries means understanding your priorities and setting aside enough time for the many areas of your life without overcommitting. When you understand your priorities, it is much easier to limit the amount of time you are giving to other people.

Healthy time boundaries might sound like:

  • “I can’t come to that event this weekend.”
  • “I can only stay for an hour.”
  • “Do you have time to chat today?”
  • “I would love to help, but I would be over-committing myself. Is there another time?”
  • “We have family time on Sundays, so we won’t make it.”
  • “I am happy to help with that. My hourly rate is…”

Violated time boundaries looks like asking professionals for their time without paying them, demanding time from people, keeping people in conversations or on tasks for longer than we told them we would, showing up late or canceling on people because we over-committed, and contacting people when they said they would be unavailable. Article continues below

4. Sexual boundaries

Healthy sexual boundaries include consent, agreement, respect, understanding of preferences and desires, and privacy.

Healthy sexual boundaries include:

  • Asking for consent
  • Discussing and asking for what pleases you
  • Requesting condom use if you want it
  • Discussing contraception
  • Saying no to things that you do not like or that hurt you
  • Protecting the privacy of the other person

This might sound like:

  • “Do you want to have sex now?”
  • “Is this comfortable for you?”
  • “Tell me what you like.”
  • “Tell me what you don’t like.”
  • “I don’t like that. Let’s try something different.”
  • “I don’t want to have sex tonight. Can we cuddle instead?”
  • “I am really into [insert desire here]. Is that something you would feel comfortable with?”

Sexual boundary violations include:

  • Sulking, punishing, or getting angry if someone does not want to have sex
  • Not asking for consent
  • Pressure to engage in unwanted sexual acts
  • Unwanted sexual comments
  • Leering
  • Lying about contraceptive use
  • Lying about your health history
  • Criticizing the other person’s sexual preferences
  • Unwanted touch, assault, or rape

5. Intellectual boundaries

Intellectual boundaries refer to your thoughts, ideas, and curiosity. Healthy intellectual boundaries include respect for the ideas of other people, and they can be violated when your thoughts and curiosity are shut down, dismissed, or belittled. Respectfulness and willingness to dialogue and understand are important here.

Healthy intellectual boundaries also mean considering whether or not it is a good time to talk about something.

They might sound like:

  • “I know we disagree, but I won’t let you belittle me like that.”
  • “I would love to talk about this more, but I don’t think talking about it during Thanksgiving dinner is the best time.”
  • “When we talk about this, we don’t get very far. I think it is a good idea to avoid the conversation right now.”
  • “I can respect that we have different opinions on this.”

Does this mean that you need to be accepting of all thoughts and opinions? Absolutely not. It is also important to learn to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy discourse. If someone is sharing an opinion that is inherently harmful—i.e., racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, etc.—then you have every right to put a hard line in the sand. You can set the boundary in your own way. It might sound like letting the person know you do not tolerate that kind of talk, distancing yourself from them, or cutting off. You do not have to have “intellectual” discourse with someone who is violating you or other people.

6. Material boundaries

Material boundaries refer to items and possessions like your home, car, clothing, jewelry, furniture, money, etc. It is healthy to understand what you can and cannot share and how you expect your items and materials to be treated by the people you share them with.

Having limits on how your material items are treated is healthy and prevents resentment over time.

This might sound like:

  • “I can’t lend out my car. I am the only person on the insurance.”
  • “We can’t give any more money. We would be happy to help in another way.”
  • “Sure! I am happy to share my dress with you. Just a heads-up, I do need it back by Friday.”

Material boundaries are violated when your things are destroyed or stolen or when they are “borrowed” too frequently. Another material violation is the use of materials (money and possessions) to manipulate and control relationships.

The more we set boundaries, the more we recognize them. In setting boundaries, we help people show up for us, and we also become better at showing up for them.

In the words of Brené Brown, “Clear is kind.”

How to handle the damaging cycle of Shame

We all feel some level of shame for something – either something from the past or something in our current lives. The danger with shame is that we can mistake feeling sorry for a mistake – guilt, repentance, remorse, regret etc – with shame. On the other side, we need to feel something when we really have made a mess, something that motivates or pushes us into correcting our mistakes, and doing better. Imagine this:

(a) some people have so much shame, they are totally paralyzed by shame

(b) other people have so little shame, they have no capacity for empathy or deep human connections

The middle ground is where we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, feel less ashamed, without being totally shameless:

  • we accept that we have been shamed for some things all our lives, and it has affected us
  • recognize that we cannot live in a state of shame, because it is painful and lonely
  • start owning the things that we have been shamed for, and re-writing the script on them

My favourite researcher, Brené Brown, researches shame and vulnerability. Brené puts words, feelings and reactions to those small responses and short phrases that people respond to you with that make you feel guilty, ashamed, anxious, stressed and/or humiliated. In the The Call to Courage, Brené says that Shame is such a formidable foe, because it keeps us terrified of speaking it; which gives shame time and space to grow in silence. So, shame needs silence and silencing in order for it to thrive and negatively affect our lives. As soon as you can start putting words into the things that make you feel shame, shame loses a lot of its power.

Shame and the Brain

Our brain has 2 parts:

(1) the prefrontal cortex, where we think, organize, rationalize our experiences and thoughts – for example, we have met a girl/boy we like; can we trust them? shall we follow up and ask for a date? wait and see if they ask us first? pretend we are not interested to avoid being hurt? or shall we send a friend to investigate if our love interest is committed to someone else?

(2) the limbic system, where we make quick decisions – for example if we are attacked, we have to make a quick decision; shall we fight? Shall we run? Or just freeze so the attacker thinks we are dead and leaves us alone?

Too much Shame hijacks (2) the limbic system, making us react with our emotions and feelings before we have had time to think through our reactions and the consequences of our reactions. People who have experienced persistent exposure to shame in their childhood, experience shame as trauma. If something shaming happens to us, we are unable to stay in the rational part of our mind which means we react with our feelings as they unfold.

Shame as Childhood Trauma

For children, shame is the threat of being unlovable, which is a real physical trauma because we feel rejection physically. The constant threat of being unloved leaves us eternally afraid of rejection. Remember when you were sad, weeping and wanted a hug from your mother or father and did not receive it? Remember the physical stress you felt?

As we get to teenage years and start to explore who we are, and where we fit in the world; if we are otherwise surrounded by a society and institutions that continually tell us that we are worthless because of something we are, or something we did, or something that happened to us – then we grow up with the trauma of being worthless. Even if we are brought up in the most supportive, loving family of origin.

Example:

Imagine a simple scenario where you were often compared to a sibling who was smarter, quieter, stabler, more considerate etc than you. What happens is; although you love your sibling, you start to resent them for being the one that reflects your weaknesses. You also feel anger against your parents for failing to see you as enough. Just the way you are. You know that you are expected to love your siblings and parents, so, you do not want anyone to know how you really feel. You pretend to love them, just as the neighbours love each other. So you feel ashamed for:

(i) being worse than your sibling (that is what you have been told)

(ii) feeling anger and resentment for your sibling and parents – who you love most of the time

(iii) not being able to say exactly what you feel, when you feel it, because you are afraid that if you say what you feel; you will be rejected.

(ii) pretending to feel something you are not feeling (our inner selves hate when we are feeling one thing, and being forced to pretend to feel something else.)

Now, imagine you meet a spouse that loves you. Everyone can see that your spouse loves you, except you. You keep wondering:

  • why would she love me?
  • when is my spouse going to find out that I am not good enough (what we were told as children, when we were being compared)
  • why is my spouse pretending to love me? I am unlovable! ( being negatively compared to someone makes us feel unseen and unloved.)

The perceived attack

So one day, your spouse innocently jokes about how bad you are at something minor, like doing the dishes.

“Oh honey, you are so bad at doing the dishes..!” they laugh.

You feel anger rising, blinding you – and before you know it, you reply that if your spouse is the dishwashing-master of the village, they can do the dishes themselves. You match out. At the door, you observe yourself turn around; and you hear yourself shouting

by-the-way, you are a terrible driver! But do I ever tell you that? Noooo because I am kind bla bla bla…”

which ends with

“…if you are the Greatest Of All Time at all things, you can drive yourself to the hospital appointment that I had promised to drive you to. I cannot be near you right now!..”

You hear the door slam behind you.

See how quickly that escalated.

In an hour, you are wondering what the hell is wrong with you? Why you reacted the way you did? How to take it all back and speak to your spouse? If your spouse really loves you, coz you are such a mess?

In above example, your mind recognized the pattern of comparison that hurt you as a child and your limbic system reacted on your behalf – to protect you, it screamt

“danger! danger! we are being compared again! it hurts! it’s going to hurt! run! run! Run!”

The shame-cycle closes into itself

Because you cannot just turn around and walk out without a word, your mouth said the words you were thinking in your fear and shame.

Later, you are ashamed that you did not handle that situation better. You are angry at yourself. Also, you have just confirmed to yourself that the childhood comparisons were right – your are not good enough. You are not worthy. It is a damaging cycle.

Being Vulnerability is How to deal with shame

The solution is as mentioned in the beginning – a little vulnerability and a willingness to speak out about your shame, guilt or pain. To train yourself to use your rational mind (1) in situations such as the one above.

Your rational mind would have thought in slow motion:

“wow! I’m feeling compared, but to whom? It scares me that my spouse may not love me if I am not better at doing dishes. I am feeling as I felt when I was a child.. I am afraid.”

If you have understood your shame and are working at healing, you would probably inform your spouse of your feelings, thoughts and reactions. From a place of trust – where you believe in the love your spouse has for you, and the potential your relationship has, if you would just speak up.

“That felt like a comparison and it made me feel [whatever you are feeling]. I am not good at doing dishes, because I never did it that much when I was growing up. I was not allowed to do it, because my parents felt that my brother/sister did it better. But I thought that I can learn to so I can help you out…”

Or something in similar words, that opens up any relationship, for both of you to share and heal.

I believe that life is much more fun, if you have someone loving your faults, that it is when you are alone, hiding your faults in your empty house.

Have you dealt with something that used to shame you into anger, sadness or other negative feelings and reactions? How did you deal with the shame?